truth to be told

 The more I think of you … the less I think of you

… the show goes on

The past couple of days have been a whirlwind of emotions, bringing back the painful memories from a couple of years back when my [former] best friend and I got into a big fight about her son.

 

So this time, it’s much worse, involving her son once more . I am heartbroken, cried for a couple of days, felt horribly misunderstood and tried reaching out to my close friends, or people I thought were close to me/ cared enough to realize that I needed help dealing.

Help, comfort and care came from unexpected places and people and of course my usual inner circle. Unfortunately, I did find out that people I thought way more of, lacked care. Painful, no doubt, but nothing I cannot handle right now, considering the bigger picture … losing one or two people I held close and I supported through their tough times sucks, but I know I am loved and I know what I have to offer …

I got through the initial crisis / rough couple of days and am back in fight mode and ready to handle / deal with whatever is coming … because I know this is only the beginning of a very long and painful situation and I am going to do everything in my power to give it a happy ending …

= back

I believe I have finally gotten a grip on my nearly 1.5 year depression and I am looking forward to starting to write some more again. These past 18 months have been a roller coaster of emotions and has been pure hell for the people who care about me as I have been so silent and withdrawn. I hope it’s not too late to start picking up the pieces and move forward to a more positive future.

 

MOVED

from now on you can find me at:

http://maschavantongeren.com

peace

back in Miami

I am back in Miami for a couple of days to hang out with  my [old] friends. I used to live here, but haven’t been back in about two years, mainly because of my new found love for snowboarding and the sad fact that my ex and I nearly killed eachother here and made eachother’s lifes pretty much hell and I just didn’t want to be reminded of it.

I don’t know why I waited so long because the weather has been awesome, beach… kayakking, movies, great dinners, beautiful places [Liv @ the Fountainebleau  is just amazing!] and even more beautiful people.

I met up with G.  the other day. G. is a very good friend that used to be more my ex husband’s friend than mine. My ex was crazy [and so was I for staying with him] and G. was one of his friends that he’d go to if he ‘needed something’ or was in trouble.  G. also happened to be his number one candidate to invite for a three way. Yes.. you read that right. My ex was into all that shit. I was totally cool with that, better another guy than another girl ha! It never came to it though, so I can honestly say that I have never seen G. naked haha…

Anyway, G. used to be a detective in NYC but ‘left’ for Miami. He works for a private firm now, working for a porn company [doing security] etc.

The other day when I was in Breck we were talking about being ripped off… and I had to think of G. and the time him and I caught this guy who had an apartment sublet scam going on…

it’s a beautiful thing

a blog is a blog

So yeah, a dilemma…

When I first starting writing this blog, nobody knew about it and I wrote my little heart out; it could be about people I knew, feelings I had or the occasional one night stand.

Then… people started reading it and I met up with some other bloggers and little by little my blog alias became my alias on social networks and like the word SOCIAL implies, you are ‘social’ meaning your friends are on it, you make new friends etc.

Long story short:

XADNESS is not anonymous anymore and I really wanna write how I feel, what shameful things I have been up to and whose neck/ throat I wanna squeeze ’till the eyes pop out [I am serious]. I also wanna write about that one guy I met, the other guy that I fancied and all the other stuff I have been fantasizing about.

Unfortunately, I am scared that some people might get hurt or offended… or maybe even pretty upset with me and really, I hate conflicts and I wouldn’t hurt anyone on purpose and this blog, well… it’s just a blog…

So what am I to do? Sensor it? Create another blog??

f*ck it. I am gonna go for it.

I hereby wanna apologize if I might hurt anyone’s feelings. I am sorry.

no…. really

hihi! really?

Some people must think I am stupid,  Ha!

I don’t usually play games… but this one is one I am playing for the team…

Our team is def. having a power play right now!

Strange things happen when you work on a computer all day

Can’t wait to catch up with the girls and laugh our asses off.

I wanna go dance

’till the sun comes up and my feet are sore!

huh? what happened?

I think I may haven gotten ditched this weekend. Which was kind of odd… cuz I normally pull one of those….

I guess I am getting old ha!

Anyway, move on to the next subject:

I have a dutch refugee in my house! haha! Just kidding, well sort of… his name is M. and he got relocated to NYC [from Amsterdam] for his work and he needed a place to crash while looking for a place to live. Anything for a fellow Dutchie. Had to fabricate a story for the roommate and family though. Ha! I love Twitter.

For anyone who doesn’t really know me by now. I am really quite nice and would never hurt someone on purpose. I am also from a socialist country and accordingly to one of my friends that’s accountable for one of my weaknesses. The one of being nice and having a conscience.

Here’s the dilemma:

So we have been working on ‘Project Powder’ since Summer. It’s a social networking site for snowboarders… ha! yeah another one! Seriously, we are implementing a bunch of new features on it that all the other ones don’t have, making it more 2008 vs 1998.

So yeah, there is not one site like ours… well that’s what I though until I got see this new site. It was like someone took our blue print/ business plan! Ha! I couldn’t believe it. It sucks because they launched before us and it kind of makes us feel like copy cats, but we are really not, we just had the same [brilliant if I may say so myself] vision, thank God I started the blog in Summer so you can see we’ve been around for a while ha!

Anyway, I haven’t mentioned to JP  about our site, but I want to because I just don’t see why I shouldn’t be able to mention that. It makes me feel kind of dirty for not telling so I decided to just do it, even though my friends told me that there is no reason for it. I don’t know, I just know that it would make me feel better…don’t know why it has been bothering me so much ha!

Oh, and my gfriend Espree from ZEXsports.com is coming by next week! Whoohoo! we are attending SMX -NorthEast and it’ll be fun! It’s always exciting to go with her because we sneak in and stuff…